finding love. again

(a cheesy story, beware) it’s been almost 2 years now that i don’t have a serious relationship. a dry spell. i have a brief one in the two years time but it was just ‘for fun’ or time filler and nothing serious. well, quite pathetic if i want to sum it into one word. i’ve been searching though since then but oddly there were none available. mostly of course i choose becasue of lust. i remember vaguely, on my first year in univ, i’ve got this nice, beautiful girl as a girlfriend. i got a lot of reactions from my friends and people i don’t know. some were envy, some were supportive but mostly they try to ruined my relationship. it’s not a paranoid or innermonologue. i don’t know why they would do such thing to me. maybe i threaten them in some way? lastly, the relationship didn’t work and it lasts for only 1 1/2 year. well umm…i caught her cheating with other man (someone’s husband, no less) at some apartment in KL. that um…suck. probably i should’nt pick a WHORE as a girlfriend.

a couple of months after that, i found a new relationship. actually i knew this girl while i’m still in a relationship with THAT WHORE on an event. we just chat a bit and exchange numbers in case we need help or something since she was in the same faculty of mine. someday, we bumped each other, talking at a cafe and suddenly sparks bursts. well, um, i started to have feeling towards her. my social life is not a big secret back then. even she knew my past and asking what are the status of my relationship with THAT WHORE. a month after, we became an item. i have a relationship again. i was happy…but only for 1 year (shit, a curse?). during that time, something awful happened. some asshole been spying on me. a stalker. my personal life, my address, my telephone number were shared among them in some secret underground world. spooky. after a big confrontation, it went away but my second relationship has already on the rocks and to add on to it, she knew about me going out with THAT WHORE. well um…maybe i have a soft spot for a slut. ha ha.

to end all this big mess, i ended it up nicely (dump). no friends, no calls, no letters. i haven’t contact one of them since. from that time to now, i haven’t have a serious relationship. probably i developed a fobia. one day, i got a raya card from my sekolah rendah crush. she gave me her phone number. so, i reply the raya card by giving my number. she called me asking how am i doing, i called her to wish rari raya. you all know lah, the usual stuff. hoping to find a relationship again, i asked her out last friday. to catch up what we’ve been up to since. the outing was successful. she was gorgeous like the last time i saw her. we went for a movie, a dinner, a stroll in the park, etc. i started to have this butterfly in my stomach. a great feeling. a chemistry. a sparkle or whatever else. maybe this is the last chance i’ve got to start a relationship again. while driving to her house, i asked her a question so i could ‘seal the deal’. erm…for a mood killer, she answered that she already have found someone in her life. i was late for 1 month. if only i could found her earlier. after she answered that, i feel like driving into a cliff or something. it’s like a big rock has crushed me to the death. i controlled my feelings and keep it professional until she walked out of the car. after waving goodbye and confirmed she had gone into her house, i drive back to my house screaming, punching the windscreen and banging my head on the streering wheel all manly. ha ha…but i don’t cry though.

after a long staring at the sky moment, i guess it is not my time. look like i have to wait for it some more. i can get her some other way but i didn’t want to be the bad guy who ruined other people happiness. we’ve already agreed that we’re just friends. let her happy for once and maybe one day i’ll find mine…